4) Don’t take a mirror selfie of your body if it’s the size of an eight year old boy. It’s ok to play at your strengths, but this isn’t one of them.

 

5) Enough with the group photos! This is Tinder, not a game of Guess Who. 

 

TIP: If you really need to include a group photo, make sure you are the hottest guy in it. You might be an ‘8’ but the ’10' next to you is making you look like a ‘5’.

 

6) FFS don't put a photo of a sunset up. Take us to see one in person instead. 

 

7) Don’t be afraid to ask to add us on Facebook or get our numbers. We swiped right, we obviously think you are attractive….. aaaaannnd we don’t want to use up all of our data.

 

8) Upload a photo of your face (I KNOW RIGHT?!). If you’re not going to include a photo of your face in your profile, we automatically assume you’re hideous.

 

9) Write a bloody bio. Don't write, "Nobody reads this." Because we just did. 

 

a) Think about what you write in your bio. If you think you’re going to get laid with a phrase like “Fuck me or fuck off”, then you’re going to get a rude shock… and probably blue balls.

 

b) Run your bio through spell check. Saying you're a "hapless romantic" is not that alluring. 

 

c) "Don't bother swiping right if…" Just don't write this. It’s not necessary. 

 

10) Stop trying to be witty. If you’re not naturally witty, you come across stupid. No questions like, “Apples or oranges?” or “What’s your favourite biscuit?” It just makes us think you’re going to psychoanalyse our answer.

 

11) Remember the questions you ask and their answers. Or just scroll up and reread for Christ’s sake. Saying “So where do you work?” and ten minutes later giving us another variation of that question is sad.

 

12) Sexting 101. If you’re privileged enough to get our number, don’t ruin it with an unexpected dick pic straight up. Seriously, the person sitting next to me on the train just saw your baby-maker. Imagine what they think of me!

 

13) We love photos with you holding cute animals. Puppies, kittens and piglets are a win! Same goes for young kids — just clarify it’s your niece/nephew/cousin in your bio.  

 

14) Be clean. If you're going to take a selfie in the bathroom and include it then make sure the mirror and counter is clean. Yeah, girls look at that stuff. We're girls. 

 

15) Girls can get competitive. Maybe that shot of you surrounded by attractive women does put Heff to shame, but it’s not ideal for a prospective partner. That includes formal/wedding/prom photos with your sister — we don’t know that she’s just your sister. Likewise with photos of you grabbing girls’ boobs. C’mon.

 

16) Learn how to have a conversation. If you have the balls to swipe right, the least you can do is say hello. Then don’t leave us hanging without asking a question in nearly every message. We’d do the same for you, and if we don’t, stop talking to us. 

 

17) Add more than one photo. In a day and age where nearly every person owns a camera phone, if you can't find 3 half-decent pics you're hiding something. And we're not thick, we know that photo was from, what, 2007? We want to see what look you like now.

 

18) Get the fuck off Tinder if you’re in a relationship. No, I will not help you cheat on your girlfriend. Yeah, I already Facebook stalked you.

 

What are your Tinder no-no’s? Help us educate the unfortunate, misled men!