By Ella McMillan

 

We all love going out with our girls and getting our groove on, but some ladies seem to forget how to… well… act like ladies. Here’s a little guide for maintaining your decorum over the weekend.

 

1. Mirror: A reflective surface, glass coated with a metal amalgam, which reflects a clear image. Take a good look at yourself in one of these magical inventions before you head out the door, and leave something to the imagination. In other words, the general rule is boobs or legs, not both. Just because it zips, doesn’t mean it fits.

 

2. Control your levels of alcohol consumption. There is no such thing as a hot mess.  If there’s one sure fire way to flush your reputation down the toilet it’s with that tequila sunrise power spew.

 

3. Do not snort coke off the toilet bowl; you’re not Miley Cyrus, leave it to her. Nuff said.

 

4. Don’t be a bitch; While we’re on the bathroom topic, if you find yourself wanting to talk trash about another individual, stop yourself and actively look around to see if it could offend anyone in the immediate vicinity. Or, just keep your mouth shut. No one likes a bitch, it’s super annoying and could induce a passive listener to high-five you… in the head… with a chair. 

 

5. Turn down the pitch; Filling innocent people’s ears with a ridiculously high-pitched scream that translates into something along the lines of “OMG THIS IS OUR SONG BABE OMG!” is absolutely not acceptable.

 

6. Don’t be rude; if a guy has found the confidence to approach you, the least you can do is respond. Likewise if he buys you a drink, “thank you” is usually the desired response and if you’re keen, you’ll shout him one back.

 

7. Maintain some dignity; Being easy like Sunday morning makes it really difficult for nice, normal girls to court an appropriate partner (Or for you to find a nice guy). Have a go at relocating your self-respect, or finding it.

 

8. Fist Pumping 101 – If you feel it necessary to channel your inner Guido and go all Snookie on the DF be consciously aware of your surroundings prior to commencing the actual fist pumping action. If you’re wondering why you’ve suddenly copped a handful of ice to the eye, it’s because you just repeatedly elbowed me in the back of the head.

 

9. Save the tears for home; emotional drunks are not fun to be around. Mind-blowing right? If you feel the waterworks approaching because Matt doesn’t love you any more, just leave. You’re bringing everyone else down. Matt doesn’t treat you right anyway.

 

10. Last but certainly not least is make-up. Some of us end up looking like we got drunk and THEN decided to start getting ready (and maybe you did). If the colour of your face is 50 shades darker than the rest of your body, go back and buy foundation that matches your actual skin tone. Willy Wonka wants his Oompa Loompa back.

 

If you're a guy and seeking advice of the male variety, please see my corresponding article Club Guide For Guys.

 

 

What bugs you the most when you go out?