Many ladies will recognise this as an infuriating plot twist in our favourite movie… Unfortunately, many of us have lived through it.
As women, we are tough creatures. But love can render us vulnerable. Thinking a man is the one, that you are meant to spend the rest of your life with, before he abruptly leaves the relationship… Well, it hurts.
Picture it. You cope with the pain, hurt, loss, betrayal and more, and still get up in time for work. Finally you realise it can’t get any worse, so you suck it up and move on. You start to feel better, to look at new love interests, to focus on yourself. Finally, it starts to look up.
What if the cause of all that gut-wrenching confusion and heartbreak tries to make his way back into your life?
Some of you will say, “He needed time away… he still loves me!” That may be true. But often this sudden urge to contact you after months of silence is for other reasons.
If this occurs in either of two classic scenarios, your Bullshit-o-meter should hit 100:
1. You are in a new, healthy relationship and out of nowhere, he pops up.
2. He abruptly breaks up with his new girlfriend, and all of a sudden you are “all he can think about.”
Now you need to decide if he’s being honest and truthful.
For some people, seeing an ex lover with a new flame makes them realise what they had.
The real dickheads (read: not the majority of men!) might just hate to see you happy and moving on, especially if they have not. He will probably attempt to talk to you and maybe even apologise for how he treated you and see if you’d like to catch up some time, even as ‘friends’. He may be trying to suss out if he still has a hold over you, if your declarations of love to this other man are true and if you would ever give him another chance.
You know him better than I do, and you should have a vague idea of what his motives are.
Now ladies, once you establish his intentions, ask yourself: Should I take him back?
DO NOT take him back if:
1. He was abusive (physical/mental/verbal etc) — it will not improve! No matter what bullshit he spins, by making you dependent on him, you stop being equal partners and become his puppet.
2. He cheated — and you know you won’t be able to let it go. Some people recover from infidelity but it takes a strong bond and mature personality to move past it.
3. He’s beyond up-himself — Men with narcissistic tendencies are only interested in themselves. He considers himself better than others (sometimes with very little basis for doing so) and you can’t change that.
4. He’s Controlling — If he stops you spending time with friends and family, it’s unhealthy.
These are the four big NO-NO’S that you should try to steer clear of. Most women do what they think is best, sometimes we get it right and other times not so much.
My advice is to trust your gut. If you think it’s shady, don’t convince yourself your intuition is wrong.
Some people are the right one at the wrong time. But sometimes we need a few failed attempts before we realise they aren’t what we thought they were. And that’s okay! Just make sure you have a support system ready for you if you do fall.
Most importantly, you need to do what’s you think is best for you.
Have you had an ex want you back? How did you deal with it? Let us know in the comments!
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